MyBroadband launches political party [April Fools]

In a move that is sure to shake up the South African political landscape, MyBroadband, the country’s leading tech news website, has announced the formation of a bold new political party: The MyBroadband Party.

This unconventional party promises a radical overhaul of the South African political system, prioritising progress, freedom, and, of course, blazing-fast internet for all.

Ten of our key policies are summarised below.

Piracy is Your Right: The MyBroadband Party recognises the importance of entertainment in a modern society. If buying isn’t owning, then piracy isn’t stealing.

Free Data for All: Some politicians have promised every South African household 10GB of free data per month. We say: Why stop there? What good is being able to download whatever you want if you can’t afford it? We will give every South African citizen 100GB of free data every month.

(NB: The above two policies, should they be implemented, do not come with any warranty or insurance, implied or explicit, should you download a virus while pirating.)

Internet Freedom: We will spearhead a Constitutional Amendment to recognise The Conscience of a Hacker (a.k.a. The Hacker Manifesto) as part of the Bill of Rights.

Parliament Gets an Upgrade: All parliamentarians will be required to use the same public schools and hospitals as everyday citizens.

Cabinet Ministers Shelved: South Africa currently has 30 Cabinet portfolios and 20-something deputy ministers. We will axe most of them and reduce the number of government departments.

Traffic Law Enforcement Overhaul: Until South Africans learn how to drive, all traffic laws will be enforced to the letter. This will happen on all vehicles and at all times, including during rush hour. Failing to use indicators, distracted driving, or plain bad manners will not be tolerated.

Quick and Decisive Justice: A new elite law enforcement unit called “Deter, Respond, Enforce, Defuse, & De-escalate” will take a no-nonsense approach to crime.

Kiss Income Tax Goodbye: The MyBroadband Party aims to abolish income tax. Revenue will be generated by legalising and taxing vices that are currently criminal. We will work with organised crime bosses to get them tax compliant.

Crypto is King: The MyBroadband Party believes in the future of decentralised finance. The Rand is out; Bitcoin and Ethereum are in.

Introducing B.O.B.: Since Bitcoin and Ethereum are deflationary, we will launch an inflationary crypto-backed asset called the Bank of Broadband token (BOB) for everyday transactions. Under our plan, 5 bob will buy you a beer again.

“We believe that South Africa deserves a political party that reflects the needs and demands of the 21st century,” said Jan Vermeulen, leader of the MyBroadband Party.

“We’re tired of the same old broken promises. It’s time for real change — the MyBroadband way.”

The full MyBroadband Party Election Manifesto can be viewed in the following video.